I never write in my journal, almost. But I did today. This must have something to do with the fact that Hannah mentioned her journal the other day. I guess it inspired me.
My journal has not been something I would ever worry about keeping under lock and key; I’ve haven’t been much of an every-detail-of-my-life-and-thoughts type when it comes to writing in it. However, today I decided to try being completely candid and detailed. I don’t know if this will cause me to cherish my journal more, or make me desire its destruction next time I read it—but it’s done now (six whole pages of detail) and I’m glad I did it.
One of the topics of my journal entry was “conversation.” My frequent inability to carrying on decent conversation has been a frustration for me for some time. I love to talk to people when it works—But, unless I’m talking to someone who has a lot to say without being asked, talking with people is just not easy for me at all. This fact has been well punctuated by the many awkward conversations that I’ve had (or attempted to have) within the last few weeks. Here’s a typical scenerio: Someone asks me a question, I give a short answer, and then he/she is just left hanging. I don’t like to make people grope for something else to say, but I can’t help it because I’m busy groping myself. They had hoped that their question would get a more lengthy response, or would lead me to ask them a question. But I just don’t seem to be able to produce anything lengthy or think of a follow-up question on the spot. As a result, the conversation is awkward from the very beginning. I do often think of things I could have said, after it’s too late, but it’s rare for me to think of anything at the crucial time.
Perhaps one of the reasons for my struggle is that I don’t practice much at home. I’ve only recently realized that I spend a lot more time just listening to my family talk, then I do talking. I don’t mind this at all. I rather like it. But it’s difficult, when I’ve been mostly listening all week, to suddenly be immersed into a situation where I ought to be talking.
Surely by now I must be considered by some people as “the hard one to talk to.” And that’s certainly not nice for me or the ones who try to talk to me. So, . . . moving on to the petition for practical help: I’m ready to “take steps” to conquer this, and I need your ideas of some “steps” to “take.”
Or, if you have the same problem I do, I’d like to know that I’m not alone.:)
(And yes, I did just use a smiley face. I thought it needed it. Take this as proof that I’m not all “baa humbug” about them.)
By the way, I may have painted my situation a little bit over-dramatically.